This one’s for anyone who’s tried to be understood and found themselves knocking on the wrong damn door.
I’ve been reading Let Them by Mel Robbins, and I realized I didn’t practice what I’ve been learning. I dropped the ball in rather glorious fashion, which led to a messy, spiraling conversation with Dustin.
When I shared my feelings calmly, taking great care to own my own feelings and not cast blame, he felt blamed anyway—and got triggered. And I couldn’t sit with that. I couldn’t tolerate being misunderstood, so I kept explaining, kept defending, kept trying to make him see my intent.
I should have let him.
Let him misinterpret me and my intent.
Let him think it was unnecessary to bring those feelings up.
Let him feel blamed.
Let him feel whatever he felt—because that’s his, and that is out of my control.
Instead of trying to fix his perception and force clarity, I could have and should have walked away. With grace. With compassion.
I expected him to have the emotional capacity I needed. But maybe, in that moment, he simply couldn’t. I have deep sympathy for his reaction and lack of emotional bandwidth. I’m a teacher, after all. My daily life is basically a revolving door of emotional crises and fielding emotional monologues from teenagers who cry, cuss, and then ask me for a pencil and a laptop charger all in the same breath. My classroom is basically group therapy with colored pencils and chronic Wi-Fi issues. They aren’t the only ones that need a hug and a nap! My emotional tank runs dry long before my to-do list does.
You see, he wasn’t wrong—and neither was I. It wasn’t a conversation to be won or lost. I just failed to recognize that I was trying to draw emotional connection from a closed door.
It’s not my job to pry it open. But it is my job to recognize when I’m standing in front of one—and to walk away before I lose myself trying to be understood.
Cosmic Tea 