In my last post, I shared how difficult it was for me to let Dustin hold his misperceptions about me. I desperately wanted to correct his feelings, explain myself, and make sure he saw me the way I saw myself. This struggle to be understood — and the deep fear of being misunderstood — is something I’ve carried with me for as long as I can remember. But as I reflected more, I realized that this battle for “rightness” isn’t just a small moment in my relationship. It’s a thread that runs through my life, through my childhood, and through generations.
You see, perfectionism and the need for approval aren’t just my quirks. They’re ingrained in the very fabric of my family’s history. My great-grandmother’s critical nature toward my grandmother (who was nothing short of a saint) created a dynamic of impossible expectations, setting the stage for feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. This pattern was passed down to my mom, and I can see it trickling into my own life as well.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to “get it right.” Trying to meet expectations that were never quite clear enough to fulfill. Trying to be perfect, because maybe then I’d finally be loved, seen, or validated. But in that pursuit, I lost myself. I tried to mold myself into a version of what others wanted me to be. I tried to be perfect to earn love, only to feel empty when I could never fully meet those standards — and even emptier when I failed.
But here’s the thing: the search for perfection doesn’t get us anywhere but trapped. The more we chase it, the more we lose sight of what we truly need — acceptance, authenticity, and our own love.
The Wound of Misunderstanding
I realized that this pattern of perfectionism isn’t just something I learned from the women in my family. It’s a cycle I’ve been replaying without even knowing it. There’s something deeply familiar about the feeling of being misunderstood — of trying so hard to prove that I am enough. That deep yearning for validation still sits with me, especially in my relationships.
With Dustin, I’ve found myself getting lost in trying to explain my feelings, trying to make sure he “understands” me in the exact way I understand myself. But there’s an uncomfortable truth here: I’m often trying to justify my worth in his eyes. And in doing that, I’m playing into the very pattern I’m trying to break.
When we feel like we have to prove ourselves to others, we give away our power. We lose the ability to simply be. We let someone else’s perspective dictate our value, and in doing so, we end up feeling like we’re never quite enough.
It’s been a messy process — letting go of this need to prove myself. Every time I start to feel the old pull to explain, to justify, to make sure they understand me, I get a little lost in the maze of “right vs. wrong.” I become the victim, and I plead my case to the perpetrator. Clearly, I am operating out of fear and self-preservation. As a child, being misunderstood meant punishment and/or being berated or shamed for my mistakes. The emotional price was heavy, so I learned to shut down and silently take the blame… or to argue and plead to be understood and valued.
The truth is, I’m not always going to be understood. Neither are you. And that my friend, is okay.
The Power of Letting Go
One of the most liberating lessons I’ve been learning is the power of letting go. Letting go of the need for others to understand, to approve, to see me exactly as I see myself. This doesn’t mean I stop being vulnerable or stop sharing my truth — it means I start to trust myself more than I trust anyone else’s perception of me.
I’ve been using a small but powerful tool to help me in these moments of misunderstanding:
“Their view of me is not my truth. I see me. I believe me. I free me.”
This anchor reminds me that I don’t have to fight for approval. I don’t have to force people to see me in a certain light. I don’t need to prove that I’m enough. I am already enough. My feelings are valid. My truth is valid. And I can stand firm in that, regardless of someone else’s perception.
But it’s also been a journey of navigating the messiness of it all. It’s not always a clean break. I still get triggered. I still want to defend myself. I still have moments where I feel the need to be understood. And there’s no easy way to get rid of those old patterns overnight. But what I’ve learned is this: It’s okay if someone misunderstands me. It’s not my job to twist myself into a shape they approve of.
That’s been huge for me. I’m learning to trust that my truth is enough, and I don’t have to jump through hoops for someone else’s validation.
Breaking the Perfectionism Cycle
The more I lean into this truth, the more I feel the layers of perfectionism and approval-seeking start to peel away. It’s a daily practice — one that requires deep self-compassion and trust. I know I won’t always get it “right,” and that’s okay. I am not perfect, and that doesn’t make me any less worthy of love, respect, or connection.
What I’ve realized is this: I don’t need to prove my worth. I don’t need to justify my feelings. I don’t need to chase perfection to feel seen. I am worthy because I exist, and I trust that those who truly love me will see me — not as a perfect version of myself, but as the authentic, imperfect human I am.
Letting Go of “Being Right”
And maybe, just maybe, this is where we find freedom — in letting go of the need to be right all the time. In accepting that sometimes, others will misunderstand us, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make us wrong. It doesn’t make us bad. It just makes us human. And isn’t that enough?
As I continue to break free from the need to be perfect, I’m learning to embrace my imperfections. I’m learning to hold space for my emotions without feeling the need to justify them. I’m learning to trust my intuition, to trust that I am enough, and that my truth is sacred.
Invitation for You
If you’re reading this and recognizing some of these patterns in your own life, I invite you to join me in this journey. Break free from the need for approval. Let go of the unrealistic standards of perfection. You are already whole, already worthy, already enough. And sometimes, the greatest act of self-love is simply being — without explanation, without justification, without fear.
Because the truth is, the more we try to be perfect, the more we lose ourselves in the process. But when we let go of perfection, we find our truth. And that, my friends, is a gift worth embracing.
Reflection:
Where in your life are you still seeking approval or trying to be perfect? What would it look like if you let go of those expectations and trusted yourself instead?
Cosmic Tea 